A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
i need some magic done to my vagina
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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