i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
