you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
