hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
