I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Randomize
