You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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