I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
