My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
