I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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