Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
So much Jack, so little girl.
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