My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize