My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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