They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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