Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
you are never too drunk for berry picking
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
