I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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