nut hugger
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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