I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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