Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
