There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize