And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
