i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
