Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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