seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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