i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
