somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
