she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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