I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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