she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
