allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
