apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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