It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
