fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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