i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
