I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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