My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
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