can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
