I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
