Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
