Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
