Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
