Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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