I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
