No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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