i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
