Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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