This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
