Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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