does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
