I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Randomize
