Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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