yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
