My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
