i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
