I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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