you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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