New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize