She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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