just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
