Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
