I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
