Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
