Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
