Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
