Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
