i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
