its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize