btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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